Some Percy Love
by Schermionie
Summary: Because Neville may have been the reason the Cauldron was Leaky, but Percy was the only one who knew how to fix it. - Percy/Everyone Ever. Oneshot.


Disclaimer: HP isn't mine, but Percy is... just not in a copyright sense. ;) Number two lifts some description directly from 'Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix', and all of them were prompted from canon in some way.

A/N: This is inspired by the meme 'Some Neville Love'. Sadly I don't know who wrote it, but I've seen it on several profiles on this site. It basically says things like "Neville Longbottom doesn't bow to hippogriffs. Hippogriffs bow to Neville Longbottom." And well, Neville definitely needs love, but I think that Percy needs some, too. I'd say a _lot_ more. I wrote several more than this, but these ten are the best ones, and the easiest ones to move into story format. I hope you enjoy! **Reviews are love** and faving without reviewing is a no-no, thanks.~

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Some Percy Love

**Mr Crouch called Percy 'Weatherby' not because he didn't know Percy's name, but because he didn't dare speak it.**

"Welcome to the Department, Mr... Mr W- Per- P-"

"I understand," said Percy uprightly. "You may call me Weatherby if you'd find that easier."

"A nickname?" asked Mr Crouch, seeming embarrassed, yet relieved.

"No," said Percy with a pleasant smile. "My underground name."

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**You know those flying memos in the Ministry of Magic? They're all love letters to Percy.**

Several paper aeroplanes swooped into the lift. Harry stared up at them as they flapped over his head; they were a hot pink colour and he could see things like _Marry me_ and _Had a great time last night_ written on them.

Arthur saw him looking and muttered, "Just inter-departmental... memos."

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**Trelawney didn't ask Harry and Ron to predict what would happen to them in the coming month again because she liked what they wrote the first time. It was because they hadn't written that they would be blown away by Percy's awesomeness.**

"We have to do this again?" moaned Ron. "I'm not sure I know of any other ways to die horribly... Do _you_?"

Harry tried not to think about that question - it gave him thoughts about the next Task that he didn't want to think about. "How about... we write the least likely thing to happen?"

They got bottom marks.

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**Snape wouldn't adopt Harry. But he would adopt Percy.**

"Perhaps you would be a better teacher," said the therapist calmly, "if you had children yourself?"

Snape scoffed and made a few choice remarks that left her crying like a baby - just like the last twenty dunces - but inwardly...

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**They considered replacing the broken Ministry statue with a statue of Percy but, out of modesty and not wanting to intimidate visitors, Percy asked them not to.**

"You don't need a statue, anyway," said Fudge with a strained smile. "Your picture's all over the walls already, after all."

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**When people Polyjuice as Percy, they may look exactly like him but everyone sees through the disguise instantly. No one can be as awesome as Percy, even with magic.**

Harry looked at the six Percys in front of him, all unsuccessfully attempting to pass as 'Weatherby' Weasley. "It's the perfect plan..." he muttered before gulping down his own Polyjuice Potion.

.

"None of them are the real one, my Lord!" shouted a masked Death Eater over the wind.

"Damn that Weatherby Weasley!" cursed Voldemort as he flew off into the dark night...

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**The Vanishing Cabinet stopped working because Percy tried it out, but no one wanted him to disappear.**

Percy was firmly but gently repelled from the Vanishing Cabinet, having stepped in there just a moment ago. He blinked behind his sexy-geek glasses before seeming to realise something.

"There, there," he muttered softly, patting the cabinet reassuringly. "I won't disappear you know."

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**Peeves is Percy's alter ego.**

"...In fact," said Percy with a slowly spreading smile, "Percy doesn't intend to disappear at all!"

And, tearing off his robes in an incredibly sexy manner, Percy walked away very quickly (no running in the corridors!) to cause some serious, just-about law-abiding chaos.

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**The Fat Lady wasn't always fat. It was only when Percy rejected her that she started over-eating.**

"I just... I just miss him so much, Violet!"

Violet nodded sympathetically, giving her another chocolate as well as taking one herself. "All the good ones are either gay, married, or leaving school."

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**Neville may have been the reason the Cauldron was Leaky, but Percy was the only one who knew how to fix it.**

"It's leaking over here, too!" called Fred's ghost, wishing he was corporeal and could make a prank out of this.

George, however, was looking thoughtful. "The Cauldron's so leaky these days that not enough people are getting through to our shop. ...I never thought I'd say this, but we're losing money, Fred, and the only one who can help us is Percy."

"Did somebody call me?" asked Percy as he strode in through the doors, brandishing his Cauldron Bottoms Report like the sacred text that it would later become.

(_and super special awesome theme music played_)


End file.
